dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
this is an emotional support booty call
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
