how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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