i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
