We won't sleep together?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
