I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize