i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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