So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
