he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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