Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Semen is not good for contacts.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
