somebody snuck up and got me drunk
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
