i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
