i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I want her autograph on my taint
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
