pop tarts are not kleenex
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
