It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
