I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
