you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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