saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
