Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
