stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize