just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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