My underwear smells like fireworks.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
