On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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