He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
