so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
soo... how was my night?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
