he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
