do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
