i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Randomize