he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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