If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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