She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
don't judge my taste in strippers
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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