if only i could text you this smell
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
