never play flip cup with pint glasses
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize