i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
