Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
