even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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