jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
