it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
