i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
