When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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