At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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