The best revenge is premature balding
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
