let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize