She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
