Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
This is my gift to your gina
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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