Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
