The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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