If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
