it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
COCAINE IS GR8
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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