Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
