i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
