I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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