I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
