cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
