he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
do herpes really smell.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
