Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize