Whatcha textin bout Willis?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
