Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize