guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
