I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
