So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize