it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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