I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
