after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
