I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
