it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
