So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
