This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
