just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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