There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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