after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
