my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
