the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
