i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
