hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
not ubering you a puppy
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
