ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize