All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
