obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize