Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
