You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
We are two peas in an std pod
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
