the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
