mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
This is classic penis vs brain.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
