someone threw a dead crab at me
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
