So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
