so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
