dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
