i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
