where am i from again
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize