You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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