I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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