haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
