I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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