i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
