$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize