I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
