sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
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