i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I love having hate sex.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize