my mouth tastes like poor choices
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
