I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
