The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
